唔衰得既精神

Finished watching Hitch for the second time at around 6.30 in the morning. I always tell my friends that I don’t like watching movies. Actually I just don’t like to watch movies on purpose. There were exceptions where I watched a few blockbusters, with friends and on my own.
It’s always better to watch movies coincidently, where your browsing through channels, you come to a movie where you feel like watching, and you’ll stop changing channels then…

Like I said, that’s the second time I watch this movie, the first was earlier, around 4 am it ended. But this time, it’s got me thinking again, thinking bout what I’ve done, what I’ve not and what I should. It’s been weeks since we met each other, and seemed like each of us is busy with our own life. She’s busy packing herself up, while me busy getting on diet… again. Well it was me trying to pretend that I’m busy, so busy that I didn’t even make a move.

I thought I could get over something which I had no confidence on. I did succeed, partially, as my beloved brother recall all the memories again. Not exactly too much to recall, but enough to make me not to get in sleep again. Yet another sleepless night and I have to blog again to ease my feelings - complicated feelings. I should stop doing this though this may not be addictive, but it’s bad trying to tell others how you feel too much, just not too asian style of being more conservative.

From what I remember, I’ve almost gotten over her for the past few weeks before our next promise, a promise I need to fulfill before the departure. I was hoping to escape from the promise but the good memory she has made feel regret over something I don’t regret at all, yeah it’s hard to understand, including myself too..

The coldness I received, got me shivering down to my spine and when I turned cold, I gave out cold responses too, or I should say no responses at all. I did what most cowards would do - escaping. Escaping from my feelings, which maybe deceptive and always against my rationality. So there’s like a debate in me, a civil war, between my rationality, and my feelings. I’m still wondering if my ego is inside and which side would it stand for. These little wars I have, they’ll just keep coming and coming but right now, they’re giving more headache then I should.

I’ve blogged this quite significantly for those who understand the situation. For those who don’t and feel blur, no worries as just assume that it’s another blog of how I feel so you will know how complex I can become sometimes, far worse than a woman I think. Ya I admit it, when you have special feeling in you, a small matter will just be zoomed in 10 times and the fluctuations of my feelings can be like the shares in the share market (oops, business terms).

Forgetting is one thing but trying to forget is another thing. I don’t know how it will turn out to be but I have to forget, I hope I can be the former who forgets. At least this way I don’t give troubles to my friends and I can show people my best condition rather than suffering from insomnia and asking friends to listen to me in the middle of the night, and blog again at the end of the day.

There is no conflict when you are alone, but as people start coming into your life, good things happen, but simultaneously conflicts occur with the misunderstood and disagreement on views. During these times, people either choose to communicate or just keep it inside of them…

As days go by, when a small conflict starts accumulating, things turn bad as people are more biased due to unsatisfactions towards a friend, and become prejudice on whatever the person does. This can be proof by what had happened around me and inside of me. I have prejudice on people, when the misunderstanding in me starts to create bigger and bigger gaps.

Everyone is unique in their own way, and with this different perceptions of seeing things arise. What people told me can give me an impression from him or her. It does influence me somehow when I have my own ways of looking at things. What I told others too is biased which are based on my past experience and shared experience from people who told me. I’m not trying to say that people must agree with me on all the things, but I just wanna tell them how I feel and hoping at least a small part of what I’ve said or done could’ve helped them. Sometimes I feel that such can be too demanding especially when you try to do good to those you love the most.
Not trying to be acting mature or impressing others, I’ve been through some parts of those and I just take into account what I’ve done right and what was not, and warning out what should be done.

Things can turn bad too under such circumstance. People will start to lose faith on you, start to think then your acts contradict with their thoughts and alienate you. Thinking that you’re one of a kind, conflicts will be worsened when they start telling others about you, not criticsims or backstabbing, but it will be a topic for others to ice break their conversation. It so happens that you’re being pushed up onto the stage. You may not realise it but it happens around.

Surely I miss the days when there was no conflict among friends, where stupidity ruled and cock talked. You can defined that as lifeless but trust me, as lifeless as it can be, it still gives happy memories and those moments could be unforgettable for you’ve been there, done that. Those days where people gathered around, shared the ups and downs of their lives, and teasing on things which happened. Well I didn’t say that this is good, but at least can give us more insight of how people live, and become more understandable of their actions, rather than putting others in our mouths and gossiping around.

Time cannot be turned back like what we watched in movies, but we can slow down time if we concentrate on what we do and do it without hesitation. It’s hesitation, not without prior thinking. I had wasted alot of time, energy in hesitating, but I try not to waste time anymore after what had happened to me and those around me. I want to spend more time with friends and show my appreciation to them as they are the closest people I have because of the family background I have. I seek almost everything from them, and thus I really love them as friends. Those who’ve accompanied me since secondary school, those whom spend their time with me, and those whom I seeked help from. My love to them are in descending order so if you’re reading now, you’ll know who you are and how I treat you compare to others. It may not matter to you much but the closer you are to me, the more it does to me…

I do realise 1 thing about myself again today. My addiction to buy original music CDs has never gone after I lost my car.
What’s more, it’s just gotten worse,
I have a list of CDs I want to buy for my new ride, so many of them,
and all the CDs I bought before which I lost.
Am I a spendthrift or a maniac supporting oringinal CDs so much?
Most of my friends ask me just go download or buy pirated where the quality is just as good. I just can’t resist supporting orgininal as I really do want to see the fall of the music industry due to our selfishness to buy pirated CDs.
It is also the best I can do to show my support to the singers I like, as most of the time chances of having them to come to open concert in Malaysia can be hard and expensive..

People argue that buying CD is a bundle pricing strategy used by record companies. Either you buy the whole album or forget it. I’d say that it’s a completion of the whole piece of art created by the singers. For great singers, the flow of the songs tend to be just as important as the quality of the music itself. Every song is arranged for a reason, and they want that feeling to be felt by the listeners.

I am a music lover, which is open to all sorts of music, kinda like a music freak, it’s just that I don’t have the money to buy all the CDs i like. It’s one of the reason why I download first to listen to the whole album before buying it. If it’s a wow, I’ll buy the album for sure, though the time will be longer as the I always have financial problem.

That’s y I realise that I’ll just ask those who want to give me presents to buy me CDs, hehe.. It’s a good way to save and people don’t need to think what to buy for me.. the problem would be - how many people will actually give me presents?

CDs to buy currently - at least 20

今天收到了第一份礼物, 好像是这几年里收到的第一份礼物,
之前那份是kin fai送的cd， 可是都跟着我的车子一样不见了。
谢谢欣宜， 还要对kin fai说声抱歉，
他的礼物我弄丢了，
让我更珍惜她送的礼物，
让我深深感受到礼轻情义重的意义。
虽然说是糖果而已，可是真的让我又莫名的感动，（礼物还没拆， 只是上面写了）

今年的生日，我打算过的冷清，
应该说我没钱，所以必须过的冷清，
朋友问我有舍计划，我只能说没有，
因为我穷，办不起什么宴席，
邀请一堆空手来祝福的朋友，
而所谓的朋友，
在这个时候更为显得是只能有福同享之交，

算了吧，我承认我对朋友的要求高，
我是该检讨并纠正的，
这篇部落格就当我在发牢骚，
痴人说梦话咯！

I’m not into blogging lately but just to show my current condition to everyone…

For those of you who don’t know, I had an accident last week where I actually banged a bike’s back and I became a superman for couple of seconds. Ended up on a hasrsh landing, I woke up with full of injuries and did not blame the rider I banged  cuz my bike is literally out of brake. What’s more I never did my license and I left right after and apology to the guy, good thing he didn’t ask for any compensation…

The worst part would definitely be the medical fees. 70 bucks and yet no medicine and I need to use externally. second thing was that the clubbing plan Jee and I planned some time ago was carried out without my presence. the two days stay at home without leaving the house and taking bath sucked to the max. Just imagine you sit there like a living corpse and watch TV until your eyes become blur.. Try for 2 consecutive days and you will feel me.

Today I really know why family members got the ‘bond’. It’s because my dad had another accident with his bike too. When I received his call I was like WTF as he always claims to know his bike very well. Another thing is that I’ve sent the bike for maintainance. It should be OK. When I reached the accident area, I saw him talking to a man and just when he got into the car, things started to turn bad. He was a little berserk blaming everyone. He said that I was suppose to go to the shop earlier and blah blah blah… and stupid kid just came out with his stupid bicycle blah blah blah…

I didn’t say a single thing as I understood how it felt to involve in an accident. I was calm and remain silent on whatever he scolded. I took him to the bike shop, to the clinic and went back to solve the unfinished business with another tailor. He was more calmed after I came back and ordered my for some jobs as usual. I did not turn him down since it’s my duty anyway. All his temper was gone and I did realise that what would’ve happened if I fought back and quarreled with him inside the car, maybe he would suffer more than external injuries, and would hurt my wallet too
It was also a blessing since he would suffered major injury on his left elbow and costs him 60 bucks with all the fees, which is better as his elbow was wrapped.

If any reader’s worried about either or both of us, well we’re OK… I mean I’m OK, he I don’t know ler… And lastly enjoy the photo of my injury, such a new experience for me that I took photos as a memory hehe….

Nicely wounded right toes, look so artistic…

A lil bit of scracthes on the left hand….

The knee part, front view…

Knee part, side view….

My fav, right elbow where I had hard time sleeping with it… (Couldn’t even hug my bolster for nuts)

Left knee with really sap sui scratches…

Right hand with effect of touching boilt water kettle….

FYI, I didn’t hurt any other parts of my body besides those shown above, including my didi where I still have the ability to reproduce now and in the future…

聆听, 对某些人来说,
是非常难得事…
但我觉得, 它是我的专长,
也可说是我唯一的骄傲,
因为除了聆听, 我好像真的是一无是处了.

我喜欢聆听, 听别人讲述自己的故事…
每个人都拥有自己的故事,
高兴的也好, 伤心的也好,
总有想与别人分享的,
我可以是聆听者,
也可以叙述自己的经验,
更可以给于自己的想法,
虽不是说什么名言或专人意见,
我只希望对于叙述者有点帮助…

因为你我他都有了自己的故事,
使得每个故事都变得独一无二,
而且每个人对于事情的看法都独特，
就连一颗梨也可创造出感动，
所以人都有感性的一面，
也是我当朋友最希望能够理解的一面…
若能够理解到朋友的这一面,
会让我有成就感,
也让我觉得朋友对我的信任,
更上了一城楼,
保守秘密的负担更多了,
但这一切,
也可说是开心的负担了…

这篇部落格被登上后,
因该很多人会后悔,
以前和我说的秘密吧,
害怕我会将秘密写上部落格,
而从此以后不再找我倾诉私事了,
不过我不会后悔,
写了这片部落格,
不但抒发了我的情绪，
也让别人更了解
此时的我…

Sin Yee，再过18个小时，你就要起飞咯…
我没什么能够送给你, 在此祝福你一路顺风，
到了那边后得努力读书，不要顾着看靓仔而忘了学业，
最重要的是不要忘记我和其他这边的姐妹，要多联络我们，知道吗？
你放心, 以前你跟我说的事情, 我还是会记住的,
一些琐碎的是可能忘记，但重要的可不会忘呢…
怎么样？感觉到我在威胁吧？是不是有点后悔呢？ wahahaha….

其实这篇blog我也是想了蛮久的才写出来。
说真的，我觉得我们认识算是不生也不熟耶，
生的部分，可能是我们之间较少联络吧，
能说的话题也比其他人来的少，
总感觉到男女之间的隔膜，
而我们连合照都没有，太离谱了，
别误会哦，我可是把你当哥儿们看待，
至于熟的部分嘛，就是因为我把你当兄弟看待，
有舍话就直接对你说，
你也不错，你的大日子都记得我… 生日派对、朋友聚聚
都邀请我出席，让我觉得好感动；
所以就算只有我一个男生，
都在所不辞的答应跟你见面…
我不知道你怎么对待咱们此友谊，
可是我的想法可都说了出来，
请你别感到意外或见怪，
因为真的是我较为感性，
比其他人更敏感，
更容易真情流露，
好像很恶心呗，男人老狗说这些有的没得，娘的要死

你的离别，
给你的，除了祝福，还是祝福..。
也不尽让我想起另一位在美国读书的兄弟，
远离故乡的感觉真的不好受，
尤其当你有太多太多的不舍，
泪流满面也是平常事，
再坚强的男子汉，
眼角处都会有微微的泪光…

不要紧啦，
反正你也是去一年多而已，
不是不回来，
可是你回来因该会待在柔佛吧，
看来待会儿我们的相见，
有可能是最后一次咯，

让我结束之前，就让我用林志玲的口头禅吧

“我才不会忘记你呢!!!”

朋友，
珍重….

It’s been so long since the last time I updated my blog…. Kinda lazy these days.. Yeah I’ve let my laziness to conquer me once again….

First, doing house chores. For god’s sake these are the laziest days of my life. All house chores are left undone and no one else would do it except me. It reminds me of my mom so much that I feel so much of going to find her but the burden of helping my dad drags me down everytime I wanna go find her. There’s no holiday in my situation as my pleasure of holiday would be pain of my dad as he’s working non-stop 12 hours daily. No way I can/should let him do my job further as he’s already 52 this year. Just too tiring for a guy of his age..

Second, getting on diet ( this just never ends). My battle against my own sweet fat seems to be on a losing streak ever since I was borned. Not once I’ve won and get myself a thinner body. The initial will always strong but as time goes by, it fades bit by bit and off it goes. Gyming seems to trendy currently and I’m thinking if I should join the flow. Friends are pulling me in to join them. California, Celebrity and Fitness First, just gives me a big time headache thinking which and where to join. Most importantly, a large amount of my income would be given to one of these centres monthly and I only have RM560 of monthly income. My savings would be inactive as all my money is fully spent. Although I’ve not yet made my decision, Jhee Kuan was able to persuade me well with facilities offered by California. Jee, mayby we should join this….

Lastly, asking friends out. I always like to ask my closer friends out to yam cha with them. It’s always been good to know what they are up to lately while keeping in touch with them. My laziness on the other hand tells me not to go. So I lepak at the same friends’ house almost every single night. I don’t want to go home early as I prefer to talk to them and listen their history recalling sometimes. It’s boring but getting used to it. Now let’s count…..

Just went out with Jhee Kuan today…

Went out with Eng Yee last night….

Went out with Michelle on Christmas eve (16 days)

Went out with Kong Hao with other F6 geng on the same night (16days)

Went out with Diane since night at Asia Cafe ( >20days)

Same goes to Joo Ann, Kiki (>20days)

Went out with Jolla even before she got her license ( <1 year)

Went out with Kin Fai not long after his Bday ( >2 months)

Went out with Ka Kin ( Almost 2 years.. Damn he’s coming back this year)

Went out with Fu Poh on her Bday ( < 2 months.. She’s going to Aus)

Was able to see Eric for once since Eng Yee’s Bday ( > 2 months.. still owe him 1 meal)

There I think I almost included everyone who’s close to me and I will make the intiative to find them.. I do not include Alex and all his housemates since definitely I’ll see them again. But those who are in a list are the ones I really want to see them as frequent as possible. Give me time, I’ll show my presence and surely I would want to see all of you…

At last, my mom. She’s illiterate and she’s never gonna read this… I love you ma and I’ll come for you, make sure you wait me and greet me with warmth, haha.

This blog post is specially dedicated to my ji mui - Miss Heng Sin Yee…
I know it’s abit too early to wish you happy birthday now. But if I don’t say it now, I’m afraid that I won’t be able to say it anymore….

I wish to thank you for all that you’ve done for the past 1 year I know you…
I still remember the first day Joanne intro me to you,
and I started to bully you saying that you’re Fu Poh when Che Loong passed you some money.
I felt the click between us, well not the click of extraordinary relationship, just a friendship,
an old friend, though we’d never met..

Since that day, we started to hang out sometimes to eat lunch with all the friends like Che Loong, Joanne, Cynthia, Cindy, Susan etc.. None of them except you who is as close to me like you do..
You’re funny, talkative and cheeky so that gives me a closer bond between us…

Well we were not that close until one fine day where we chatted long enough to let me think that you treat me as a close friend.
From that day onwards, I treated you as my ji mui even if you didn’t, it’s fine…
Erm… Ji Mui not necessary need to hold hands or shopping together 1 hoh?

Then so it came that i had my big mouth who blew many things up, I
sincerely apologise here cuz I really didn’t expect things to happen
this way. I did not ask why as I knew you had your reasons.
Maybe in
your mind I’ve became a big mouth who can’t keep a single secret and
must share it with everyone else since that incident, well I gotta tell
you that I don’t….
It’s not polite and nice to gossip about
others’ private stuff, not when it’s a matter which affects your future
and your happiness…
There is another thing I really need to thank you. Remember the notes you gave me? Haha it’s because of you I am able to get the free 10 marks for my FBF final exam. I wouldn’t be able to do it without your ‘help’ and offer. I still owe you 1 meal, so you should always remind yourself about that and consequently you’ll come to look for me…

I do mean what I said and before I go, Happy Birthday once more to you…
Maybe
you may have forgotten about me after you’ve departed to Aus or you’re
too busy to chat with me or both of us won’t see each other anymore…
Well
I’m still here, to listen to your sorrows, to give you some advices, if
possible to share your joy, or if you’re too busy, just a couple of greets are good enough…
Till then, TAKE GOOD CARE of yourself, my lovely Ji Mui..
And don’t worry, your secret(s) is/are kept safe with me….

隔了三年, 终于把包袱完全的放了下来,
可以好好的享受着, 自由自在,
心想终于有机会恋爱,
换来的, 只有痴心的等待,
还有无止尽的思念与无奈…

原来她早有所属,
那个幸福的人,
早在我和她之前,
偷走了她的心,
在她的记忆深处,
埋葬了他和她的一切…

看着他们之间的照片,
他们之间的互动与亲密,
心里有着千万个羡慕与妒嫉,
羡慕着他们的一举一动,
妒嫉着他所拥有的,
只觉得自己能给的,
可能真的只有 - 迟来得祝福,

不是自卑心作祟,
只是发觉自己,
能有什么去与他媲美,
钱? 样貌? 身形? 时间?
安全感? 还是永恒的爱?
能给的, 当然都会给…
而且他们之间,
那段根深蒂固之恋,
说散就散, 根本不可能,
拆散鸳鸯的滋味可不好受,
当个第三者, 也是要有庞大的勇气,
去受人指责,
再怎么不管,
迟早也得面对…..

现在能做的,
只有等待,
只有奢望,
只有牵挂….